Backseat Delightlah! — The Lyrics
Gangster Lovestick
"You know what you gotta do. You gotta use the gangster lovestick."
— Jeff Goldbaum (Dino Fantini), from Hector's Secret
You take it from my hands and click the safety off
And stick it in your mouth while I'm getting soft.
You smile a crooked smile as you squeeze the trigger,
And suddenly my cock it starts to getting bigger.
You toss the gun aside and you grab my face,
Stick your tongue in my mouth, it has a bitter taste
Of oil and steel and three-day-old pad thai.
I whisper you're my lady and that I'm your guy.
And while I'm inside, I see the gun on the floor.
You beg me to slap you and call you a whore.
I say I don't play that way and neither should you.
You flip yourself around and stick it up your chute.
I whisper, "Please baby please" and you lie aside.
I take five minutes in the bathroom to clean up my rod.
When I get back, you got the gun in your mouth,
About to squeeze the trigger when I start to shout.
A gangster lovestick is,
It's not a little toy...
So stop messin' around.
I can't say I enjoy
This couch-trip that you're playing,
While I'm just masturbating.
I just want to please my dick,
Throw out the gangster lovestick.
Sunday afternoon when I'm in the park,
Just walkin' the dog, but it's gettin' dark.
Down behind the bushes near the old train tracks,
I see a woman and a man naked with a gat.
He sticks it in his mouth, and I hear a click.
The both of them, they laugh and start to kiss.
He passes it to her and she spins the clip.
She pulls the fucking trigger and "Oh shit!"
The fella, he starts crying and a-sobbing his ass off,
Because his little woman just blew her head off.
I pull out my portable and dial 911.
He sees me from the bushes and he starts to run.
I chase him for a block and then I collapse,
Breathin' real hard and now I'm startin' to gasp.
I go back to the lady and I start to weep,
While my dog sniffs around and he starts to eat.
A gangster lovestick is,
It's not a little toy...
So stop messin' around.
I can't say I enjoy
This couch-trip that you're playing,
While I'm just masturbating.
I just want to please my dick,
Throw out the gangster lovestick.
You think about suicide like it's real cool,
And I know you think you're cool, but you're really a fool.
Let me tell you a story 'bout a wild religion,
Fulla crazy people they called the Kingdom.
The leader of the group, named Phil Crenshaw,
Convinced a whole commune built on marijuana
That God was just a person from outer space,
And if they shot themselves to death, he'd beam them to his place.
So all the stoned people and their little kids
Bought a bunch of guns from the local Wal-Mart,
Sat up in their cabins and said tearful goodbyes,
Stuck the lovesticks in their mouths and then kissed the sky.
Did they go to heaven, well you better believe
Heaven is a crock of shit, you pharisee.
There ain't no God in outer space,
So to suck a gangster lovestick is just a waste.
A gangster lovestick is,
It's not a little toy...
So stop messin' around.
I can't say I enjoy
This couch-trip that you're playing,
While I'm just masturbating.
I just want to please my dick,
Throw out the gangster lovestick.
Well, it just so happens that you understand
The stories that I tell about the promised land.
You don't wanna die, at least not today.
Don't mess around with guns as if they's a game.
You look up at me, oh so tearfully,
Put the gun aside and start to hugging me.
You whisper in my ear that you were right all along,
And then you slide down and we start gettin' it on.
Ooh, baby, just slip it inside.
You wanna feel me in you, just like Jesus Christ.
You know I don't believe you when you say He's real,
But it don't really matter as long as you feel.
Suck it and a-fuck it and a-love it, oh yeah.
I wanna feel your tits 'cause they's lighter than air.
You like it when my balls, they bounce off your ass
Cool, cool water is such a gas.